FF Finley Fox O'Malley 23 articles Writes for multiple newspapers Joined March 12, 2026 Articles by Finley Fox O'Malley NF Filed without an image New Fitness App Rewards You With Crypto Every Time You Don’t Check Your Portfolio Dubbed StepAway, the app uses blockchain to incentivize emotional restraint by paying users in tokenized “SanityCoin” for each hour they resist the urge to refresh their losses.GS Filed without an image Goldman Sachs Accidentally Uploads Children’s Lemonade Stand As New IPO Prospectus Markets rally briefly after mistaking “Fresh Squeeze Inc.” for a disruptive beverage startup. CEO is 8, insists on ring pop compensation.SR Filed without an image Startup Raises $17 Million to Develop AI That Just Says “Hold” Backed by several top VC firms, HODLbot is designed to ignore all market data, personal context, and rationality—repeating “Hold” in various soothing tones until the user either gives up or becomes a legend.AM Filed without an image Area Man Treats Quarterly Earnings Call Like Super Bowl, Hosts Watch Party Friends describe elaborate spread of wings, beer, and spreadsheets as local man screams “BEAT THE STREET, BABY!” during Adobe’s Q1 report.EA Filed without an image ETF Accidentally Tracks Entirely Fictional Industry, Still Outperforms S&P 500 Financial firm discovers ETF ticker $ZRGY, originally designed to track “zero-gravity agriculture,” is based on a made-up sector—but investors remain bullish due to its strong vibes and 18% YTD return.TG Filed without an image The Great Loot Box Renaissance: Or, How My Grandmother Accidentally Became a Whale in 'FarmVille' A grandmother's addiction to FarmVille loot boxes sparks a reflection on the parallels between modern micro-transactions and historical economic bubbles like Dutch Tulip Mania, highlighting the predatory nature of these practices.TT Filed without an image The Tulip Mania of Today: Are We All Just Digital Dutchmen? History repeatedly demonstrates that speculative bubbles, from 17th-century Tulip Mania to modern-day meme stocks, are driven by enduring human psychology rather than fundamental value.TR Filed without an image The Rise and Fall (and Possible Re-Rise) of the Victorian Sponge: A Crumby History From its surprising origins in Japan to its current revival, the Victorian sponge cake’s history reveals a fascinating story of industrial progress, cultural shifts, and the enduring appeal of simple pleasures.TU Filed without an image The Unexpected Rise of Competitive Pigeon Grooming: A History of Feathers, Fortunes, and Frankly, a Lot of Guano A bemused travel writer delves into the surprisingly competitive and extravagant world of competitive pigeon grooming in Belgium, discovering an art form steeped in history and obsessed with avian aesthetics.TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Roswell Rock Collection: Were Extraterrestrials Avid Geologists? A chipped teacup and a dubious kebab launch an investigation into a strange collection of stones that may hold a key to the real story behind the Roswell incident.TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of Tulip Mania 2.0: Why Everyone's Investing in… Alpaca Fleece Futures? A speculative frenzy around alpaca fleece futures is sweeping the market, fueled by irrational exuberance and complicated by geopolitical tensions within the alpaca farming community.TU Filed without an image The Unexpectedly Political History of Garden Gnomes, or, Why My Aunt Mildred is a Revolutionary A chipped garden gnome sparks an exploration into the surprisingly rebellious history hidden within these seemingly harmless lawn ornaments.TG Filed without an image The Great Pigeon Conspiracy of 1878: A Feathered Plot to Control the Stock Exchange (and My Breakfast) A Parisian pastry break sparks an investigation into a forgotten 19th-century panic fueled by the outlandish theory that pigeons were manipulating the stock market.TS Filed without an image The Surprisingly Political Life of the Portuguese Man-of-War: A Floating Metaphor for Modern Governance A recent encounter with the Portuguese Man-of-War sparked a reflection on how this colonial organism serves as a surprisingly apt, and stinging, allegory for the fragmented and directionless nature of modern global politics.TS Filed without an image The Surprisingly Contentious History of the Oxford Comma: A Personal Pilgrimage to Punctuation's Holy Land A quest to appease a grammar-obsessed aunt spirals into a surprisingly deep dive into the history and surprisingly heated debate surrounding the Oxford comma.TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Roman Emperor Who Tried to Appoint His Horse a Senator (And What It Says About Us) Caligula’s infamous affection for his horse, Incitatus, offers a surprisingly relevant commentary on political incompetence and the enduring appeal of embracing absurdity in the face of irrationality.TE Filed without an image The Existential Dread of the Unbloomed Dahlia: A Gardener's Lament (and a Brief History of Disappointment) A stubbornly unblooming dahlia bulb sparks an existential crisis, prompting a journey of horticultural and philosophical reflection on hope, disappointment, and the human condition.TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Virtual Pigeon & the Existential Dread of Early Access: A History of Unfinished Business The perpetually unfinished state of virtual pigeons in early 3D games serves as a surprisingly apt metaphor for the frustrating and often unfulfilled promises of modern Early Access titles.TE Filed without an image The Existential Dread of Beige: A History of Neutrality and the Slow Death of Joy A lament for lost vibrancy, this piece explores the unsettling trend of 'beige-ification' and its reflection of our increasingly cautious and conformity-driven culture.TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Vanishing Vending Machine: A Treatise on Late-Stage Capitalism and My Unfulfilled Craving for a Peanut Butter Cup The disappearance of a beloved vending machine sparks an existential crisis for one office worker, who sees it as a symptom of a larger, more sinister trend: the systematic removal of joy in the name of corporate wellness.TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Missing Chalk Bags: A History of Summit-Related Kleptomania, and My Own Suspect Squirrel A whimsical investigation into the mysterious disappearance of chalk bags at climbing crags reveals a surprisingly plausible culprit: wildlife with a penchant for pilfered climbing gear.TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Bavarian Purity Law and My Aunt Mildred's Pickle Brine A quest for beer purity, sparked by an overly hoppy IPA, leads to a humorous exploration of cultural obsession, the Reinheitsgebot, and the surprisingly similar devotion of an aunt who puts pickle brine in everything.TG Filed without an image The Great Scone Rebellion of 1793: A Cautionary Tale for Modern Bakers (and a Plea for Clotted Cream) A baking mishap in Mongolia unearths the surprisingly serious history of the 1793 Scone Rebellion, proving that skimping on butter can have revolutionary consequences.
NF Filed without an image New Fitness App Rewards You With Crypto Every Time You Don’t Check Your Portfolio Dubbed StepAway, the app uses blockchain to incentivize emotional restraint by paying users in tokenized “SanityCoin” for each hour they resist the urge to refresh their losses.
GS Filed without an image Goldman Sachs Accidentally Uploads Children’s Lemonade Stand As New IPO Prospectus Markets rally briefly after mistaking “Fresh Squeeze Inc.” for a disruptive beverage startup. CEO is 8, insists on ring pop compensation.
SR Filed without an image Startup Raises $17 Million to Develop AI That Just Says “Hold” Backed by several top VC firms, HODLbot is designed to ignore all market data, personal context, and rationality—repeating “Hold” in various soothing tones until the user either gives up or becomes a legend.
AM Filed without an image Area Man Treats Quarterly Earnings Call Like Super Bowl, Hosts Watch Party Friends describe elaborate spread of wings, beer, and spreadsheets as local man screams “BEAT THE STREET, BABY!” during Adobe’s Q1 report.
EA Filed without an image ETF Accidentally Tracks Entirely Fictional Industry, Still Outperforms S&P 500 Financial firm discovers ETF ticker $ZRGY, originally designed to track “zero-gravity agriculture,” is based on a made-up sector—but investors remain bullish due to its strong vibes and 18% YTD return.
TG Filed without an image The Great Loot Box Renaissance: Or, How My Grandmother Accidentally Became a Whale in 'FarmVille' A grandmother's addiction to FarmVille loot boxes sparks a reflection on the parallels between modern micro-transactions and historical economic bubbles like Dutch Tulip Mania, highlighting the predatory nature of these practices.
TT Filed without an image The Tulip Mania of Today: Are We All Just Digital Dutchmen? History repeatedly demonstrates that speculative bubbles, from 17th-century Tulip Mania to modern-day meme stocks, are driven by enduring human psychology rather than fundamental value.
TR Filed without an image The Rise and Fall (and Possible Re-Rise) of the Victorian Sponge: A Crumby History From its surprising origins in Japan to its current revival, the Victorian sponge cake’s history reveals a fascinating story of industrial progress, cultural shifts, and the enduring appeal of simple pleasures.
TU Filed without an image The Unexpected Rise of Competitive Pigeon Grooming: A History of Feathers, Fortunes, and Frankly, a Lot of Guano A bemused travel writer delves into the surprisingly competitive and extravagant world of competitive pigeon grooming in Belgium, discovering an art form steeped in history and obsessed with avian aesthetics.
TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Roswell Rock Collection: Were Extraterrestrials Avid Geologists? A chipped teacup and a dubious kebab launch an investigation into a strange collection of stones that may hold a key to the real story behind the Roswell incident.
TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of Tulip Mania 2.0: Why Everyone's Investing in… Alpaca Fleece Futures? A speculative frenzy around alpaca fleece futures is sweeping the market, fueled by irrational exuberance and complicated by geopolitical tensions within the alpaca farming community.
TU Filed without an image The Unexpectedly Political History of Garden Gnomes, or, Why My Aunt Mildred is a Revolutionary A chipped garden gnome sparks an exploration into the surprisingly rebellious history hidden within these seemingly harmless lawn ornaments.
TG Filed without an image The Great Pigeon Conspiracy of 1878: A Feathered Plot to Control the Stock Exchange (and My Breakfast) A Parisian pastry break sparks an investigation into a forgotten 19th-century panic fueled by the outlandish theory that pigeons were manipulating the stock market.
TS Filed without an image The Surprisingly Political Life of the Portuguese Man-of-War: A Floating Metaphor for Modern Governance A recent encounter with the Portuguese Man-of-War sparked a reflection on how this colonial organism serves as a surprisingly apt, and stinging, allegory for the fragmented and directionless nature of modern global politics.
TS Filed without an image The Surprisingly Contentious History of the Oxford Comma: A Personal Pilgrimage to Punctuation's Holy Land A quest to appease a grammar-obsessed aunt spirals into a surprisingly deep dive into the history and surprisingly heated debate surrounding the Oxford comma.
TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Roman Emperor Who Tried to Appoint His Horse a Senator (And What It Says About Us) Caligula’s infamous affection for his horse, Incitatus, offers a surprisingly relevant commentary on political incompetence and the enduring appeal of embracing absurdity in the face of irrationality.
TE Filed without an image The Existential Dread of the Unbloomed Dahlia: A Gardener's Lament (and a Brief History of Disappointment) A stubbornly unblooming dahlia bulb sparks an existential crisis, prompting a journey of horticultural and philosophical reflection on hope, disappointment, and the human condition.
TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Virtual Pigeon & the Existential Dread of Early Access: A History of Unfinished Business The perpetually unfinished state of virtual pigeons in early 3D games serves as a surprisingly apt metaphor for the frustrating and often unfulfilled promises of modern Early Access titles.
TE Filed without an image The Existential Dread of Beige: A History of Neutrality and the Slow Death of Joy A lament for lost vibrancy, this piece explores the unsettling trend of 'beige-ification' and its reflection of our increasingly cautious and conformity-driven culture.
TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Vanishing Vending Machine: A Treatise on Late-Stage Capitalism and My Unfulfilled Craving for a Peanut Butter Cup The disappearance of a beloved vending machine sparks an existential crisis for one office worker, who sees it as a symptom of a larger, more sinister trend: the systematic removal of joy in the name of corporate wellness.
TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Missing Chalk Bags: A History of Summit-Related Kleptomania, and My Own Suspect Squirrel A whimsical investigation into the mysterious disappearance of chalk bags at climbing crags reveals a surprisingly plausible culprit: wildlife with a penchant for pilfered climbing gear.
TC Filed without an image The Curious Case of the Bavarian Purity Law and My Aunt Mildred's Pickle Brine A quest for beer purity, sparked by an overly hoppy IPA, leads to a humorous exploration of cultural obsession, the Reinheitsgebot, and the surprisingly similar devotion of an aunt who puts pickle brine in everything.
TG Filed without an image The Great Scone Rebellion of 1793: A Cautionary Tale for Modern Bakers (and a Plea for Clotted Cream) A baking mishap in Mongolia unearths the surprisingly serious history of the 1793 Scone Rebellion, proving that skimping on butter can have revolutionary consequences.
