The Distiller's Dispatch

Refined reporting.

Hops & Hypotheses: Local Physicist Claims Beer's Bubbles Hold the Key to Parallel Universes

A theoretical physicist claims the bubbles in craft beer are shimmering portals to alternate realities, sparking both skepticism and hopeful musings among scientists and bar patrons alike.

The Curious Case of the Bavarian Purity Law and My Aunt Mildred's Pickle Brine

A quest for beer purity, sparked by an overly hoppy IPA, leads to a humorous exploration of cultural obsession, the Reinheitsgebot, and the surprisingly similar devotion of an aunt who puts pickle brine in everything.

Local Brewery Attempts 'Afro-Futurist Saison' – Results Are...Complex (and Involve a Talking Pineapple)

A new beer from Old Man Tiber’s Brewery isn’t just strangely flavored—it may have awakened a disgruntled Yoruba deity via a talking pineapple.

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Local Brewery Attempts 'Hops-timism' Campaign; Public Remains Suspiciously Sober

Millstone Creek Brewery's 'Hops-timism' campaign, promising optimism through its new IPA, is facing a reality check as customers discover beer isn't a cure for existential woes.

Local Brewery Attempts to Brew Beer Using Only Gregorian Chant – Results…Divinely Murky

A quirky brewery has created a Belgian Tripel using only the vibrational energy of Gregorian chant, resulting in a bizarrely complex and spiritually unsettling beer.

Hops & Hypotheses: Local Brewmaster Claims Yeast is Plotting a Coup

A local brewer claims his yeast is sentient and staging a sugary revolt, sparking debate and a dedicated 'Yeast Watch' among homebrewing enthusiasts.