Field-identified, liability pending
The two spent 45 minutes picking from opposite ends of the thicket in what witnesses describe as 'the most aggressively polite territorial standoff in nature.'
Followers became suspicious when they noticed the 'wild mesclun' had a Whole Foods barcode sticker partially visible under a strategically placed violet.
The book's index lists 2,000 species, of which 1,987 are classified under the single entry: 'NO.'
The annual announcement cited 'groundbreaking new research' that turned out to be the same 2016 study the announcer has cited every year since 2018.
The Lagotto Romagnolo has refused to work since discovering that his contribution to the household's $800 truffle harvest was rewarded with a $3.99 bag of Purina.
The committed seasonal eater has lost 15 pounds since October and describes the acorn-heavy winter diet as 'ancestrally appropriate and character-building.'
The 'wild-foraged Appalachian ramps' sold at $18 per bunch were harvested from a suburban backyard in Bethesda while the homeowner was at work.
The app gave a death cap mushroom a 97 percent confidence rating as 'a tasty snack' and described poison hemlock as 'a fun parsley alternative.'
The forager has been sitting motionless among the mushrooms for three hours, scanning the treeline for signs of other baskets.
The two specimens, one delicious and one lethal, were physically touching and 'could not look more similar from above,' according to horrified field researchers.
A survey of 500 foragers found that 94 percent had told at least one friend they were 'busy this weekend' within minutes of the announcement.
The plant, which tastes like 'arugula that has seen some things,' thrives only in asphalt crevices within 15 feet of a Wendy's.
The patient's phone was recovered at the scene with a Reddit thread open to a comment reading 'pretty sure that's edible, I ate one once and I'm still here.'
The deceased's will allocated the house, car, and savings to his children but made no mention of the legendary patch he harvested for 35 years.
The couple, both holding competing field guides, have agreed on exactly one thing: 'It's definitely a mushroom.'
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